


Crawling back to you

by Hopestallion



Series: Once upon a time songs [1]
Category: Once Upon A Time - Fandom, one upon a time
Genre: Depressing Themes, F/M, Hurt, Melancholy, One Shot, Song fic, crawling back to you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-14
Updated: 2014-10-14
Packaged: 2018-02-21 02:46:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2451842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hopestallion/pseuds/Hopestallion
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You only know how much some things/ someone means to you, when you lose them for good.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Crawling back to you

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on an RP thread on tumblr, is a little canon divergent. And I had to write from memory, cause lack of Internet to look up the correct order of the happenings in season 3~ spoilers for said season.

Hook knew a lot of things, like how to find his way, only with the stars. How to navigate a ship, as big as his Jolly or how to keep his crew in a line. He knew how much rum he could drink and how much would make him pass out. Knew troublesome women, from those easy to get. Knew how to handle betrayed husbands, brothers, fathers, or whatever. He knew a lot of things that could get you around the enchanted forest, the seven seas and Neverland.What he didn't know however, was how to handle emotions, beside cockiness or anger. He didn't know how to handle the feeling of having been awful. Henry supplied the word, 'guilt'. Didn't know how to rid his heart of it. After having sold his Jolly Roger, given his crew to freedom and with them given her her freedom. 

Her wide blue eyes would haunt him to this day, maybe because Emma had the same big blue eyes. Or maybe because they both were fierce? Or had blonde hair? Were fighter? He seemed to have a pattern there, he'd like to ignore for the rest of his shipless life. Getting Emma back to Storybook had been far harder than he'd imagined, getting her to drink the potion had been just as hard. Now it all seemed to run smoothly, or well as smoothly as could. With none of the enchanted forest people, knowing what they had done in the missing year. How to explain everything to Henry. Or who the new big bad was. You got the goings somehow, with flying monkeys, out to get you and turn you into one of them, by scratching or biting you. Hook could have done with out them, or with a little backup. But his back wouldn't be ever held that save, as he had been with her. Where he knew, she'd run out of bullets and he'd give her a sword. Where she'd have his back and at the exact same time, kick some ass. She had been a firecracker. And he hoped she was a happy one now. Because somehow, he couldn't be happy himself sitting right next to Emma.

Lessons learned, bridges burned to the ground, And it's too late now to put out the fire,  
Tables turned, and I'm the one who's burning now, Well I'm doing alright

'Til I close my eyes

And then I see your face, And it's no surprise.

He should have seen the trouble coming, because how could it be as simple as bringing everyone's memories back? No, Rumple had to be insane and the wicked whatever of wherever had to be after Snow's baby and Regina's heart to make her magic work. He had to admit though, seeing Regina lose to her 'sister' was a bit disturbing. Maybe because Regina had been the big bad for so long, or because she had a thing going with the thief now. Hook didn't bother with names and he could hear her voice in his head, reprimanding him.Scolding for the little attention he paid, it was necessary to know everything around you, especially everyone. Who knew who could be your enemy in the future? And there it was Rumple and Regina's past haunting them and whatever they had done, was backfiring on them now. She would have drunk a rum with him, on that. Or coffee with rum, she called it irish coffee. He called it a waste to mankind and good rum. But he had tried it anyway, not with her onboard. But at Granny's, when everyone was winding down and no one would mind him missing for a couple of hours. Sometimes it was painful to stay with Swan, or her kid, or the crazy parents of her. Especially when her mother -who was Snow white, and could it get any weirder than that?- kept telling you of possible illnesses her baby could get, have or never have. Granny however didn't even ask when she fxed him the irish-coffee, simply nodded at him and drank herself one with him. “Ain't so bad anymore pirate...” she had that weird voice, that Hook found too manly for a grandmother in her age. Then again, that woman could hunt down a wolf twice her size and four times her weight. Without flinching. He had deep respect for her. Given her grandchild, red-riding hood, was both the big bad wolf and the good looking woman, who served pancakes and fought alongside of Snow White. The fairy tales were far more different than the ones Henry told him. He wondered if she had grown up with those fairy tales, the wrong ones, the ones kids seemed to know everywhere. And which had moving pictures to show their story, Henry called them movies. She seemed to have known him, when he had fished her out of the water, reminding him so much of that red haired mermaid, Ariel. She had truly been beautiful, even if she had been drenched to the bones and shivering from the cold winds of the ocean. Had stood her own against him, not flinching till she was sure, she was okay with his company. Till he earned her trust over days and weeks, in which he was better behaved than in his whole life. And then they had gone to Neverland and she had fought along his side. Had heard his confession and made her own. /I don't want the journey on the Jolly Roger to end/ and despite it being so different from the confessions the others had made, it had made him pleased. Pleased to hear, that she wanted to stay. Until he had driven her away, kicked her confession with his boots and maybe that was the guilt that would always weigh him down.

Just like that I'm crawling back to you, Just like you said I would yeah,  
I swallow my pride,  
Now I'm crawling back to you,

I'm out of my head,  
Can't wait any longer,  
Down on my knees, I thought I was stronger, Just like that, like you said I'd do,  
I'm crawling back to you.

When Zelena got Charming's sword, he should have known they were in on a ride of trouble and tears. Instead he chalked it up to one for Zelena- zero for them. Of course she wouldn't stop there, wouldn't be able to stop, since she had some magic whatever to do. And while Regina tried to figure it out with the thief. He had been degraded to a baby sitter for Swan's kid. And let him once say it, /Baelfire, was a piece of cake, to that kid/ he didn't know half of the things Henry told him. And while he had tried to keep his attention with showing him how to read maps and how to decide directions with the stars. The boy kept squirming and wanting to know what was happening, or play with his what did they call it? He didn't care. Charming took it to heart, to be the cool grandpa, showing a child of what was he again? Ten? Twelve? How to drive a car, let's say Regina has never turned her head that fast, causing him to wince in solidarity with her neck. Whiplash was a mean thing. The times of watching Emma try to build a baby's bed, with her father, while Gepetto would have done it in seconds, were amusing but unsettling.It was like they said on the ships, the calm before the storm. When you could tasted the lightning on your tongue and could feel the drums of the thunder on your skin, even before they had come. He had to stop himself from groaning in distress, when the memory of her on deck, in the rain, grinning at him like a challenge- came up. She never went below deck, never listened to his words, always was a hand more on deck, to keep the ship up. And who could really mind him, to have missed half of Emma's speech and agreement of her mother. The word mother and father, still too much for Swan and who could blame her, when your parents were barely older than you with a year or two? Though he had to say that Snow was a funny pregnant woman, a bit weird on some ends, which was probably the hormones, or her usual level of weirdness, but still kind of funny. Especially when she argued with her husband, over the pick of the babies name. And if the child were ever to be named Leopold? Hook hoped it wouldn't try to stab itself with his baby-fork. Emma just got a new family member anyway, despite the age gap of twenty something. This just reached new levels of weird. And while Hook kept the memories of his own brother, under a sold lid. He still knew how it felt to have someone look out for you, someone to love you unconditionally, because you only had each other.

Time can heal, but the scars only hide the way you feel, And it's hard to forget how I left you hanging  
On by a thread, when everything is said, I will regret it, yeah,

I was doin' alright, thought I could make it, Then I see your face and it's hard to fake it.

When Zelena strikes again, Hooks lips are cursed, to take away Emma's magic, should she kiss him. In return for doing that, she would spare Henry's life. Hook's life just took another turn for the worst course. He slowly wondered, which of his actions, had made the gods and whatever was up there hate him this much. He sought a way out and was presented with one. When Regina saved Henry's life and all their memories, by a simple kiss of love. Go figure that two mothers meant double the amount of love, to save the world. Who knew Regina was capable of white magic? Backed in a corner, of course Zelena did not back off, instead she announced her next target, which surprise, surprise. Was the baby of the Charmings? Was that the family name now? He wondered if the enchanted forest even had something like that, or did everyone get a magically fitting name? Her taunting voice in his head again, when she told him that it wasn't the most creative name to call him Hook. Cause he certainly wasn't the only pirate with a hook right? What did he know? They never encountered another captain with a hook. No one called him with his real name anyway, except for her, she used to do it. To rile him up, to annoy him and sometimes? In that comforting weird way of her's. He shook his head and shrugged the uneasy feeling off, Zelena was just batshit crazy.

And they weren't disappointed, crazy bitch struck again, when they least expected it, or when he was least prepared for it. They were looking through the woods, for whatever, or had been called to the woods. He couldn't quite remember anymore, he was just stalking through them with the Savior, with Emma, with the woman he loved. Who was wearing a grim expression, ever since they had to bury Neal, ever since she had to tell her son, that his father had died a hero. He had been the one who had sent the dove, to save them all. It was then that Charming called his daughter, on what were they called again? Oh right phones, cellphones. To communicate over a long distance. No more doves in this world. The 'modern' world. His words were fast and hectic, Snow White piping up from the background, but she sounded further away, her voice always softening a little. As if she was talking to someone else and he believed firmly that you didn't take pregnant women with you through the woods. Even he knew that as a pirate and as someone who was presumed to have little honor in his bones. Well he had been a honorable man once. And it seemed he was on that way again. Thanks to Emma, or so. His thoughts wandered from the woods around them, to a ship, to blonde hair blown back by salty winds. To laughter and an easiness he didn't feel no longer. It was hard to be someone else, someone new, someone he hasn't been for a long while.

Just like that I'm crawling back to you, Just like you said I would yeah,  
I swallow my pride,  
Now I'm crawling back to you.

I'm out of my head,  
Can't wait any longer,  
Down on my knees, I thought I was stronger, Just like that, like you said I'd do,  
I'm crawling back to you.

“I think you should come with me....” Emma suddenly said, words directed at him and it was the guilt stricken expression on her face, that made him wonder what had happened now. What it had all to do with him anyway. There was barely anything left, that could provoke any guilt from anyone, towards him. His ship was sold already and he would most defnitely not tell her. Not, that he had sold it, to get a passage to her. His crew was everywhere by now, probably hiring at a new ship, or waiting for him to bring them all back together. And she? She was probably gone, to a better life, to someone who wouldn't betray her. “David... found something... Someone.." she bit her lip and started to walk to the direction, where the prince had lost his sword? To him the forests looked all the same, he loved the ocean, preferred the waves, the winds, the salt water. He nodded and followed her, not even commenting on her still calling her father by his fake name, same as she called her mother Mary-Margret. They were Snow and Charming anyway, the stuff of stories and legends. They walked a few miles in comfortable silence, which none of them broke. Though he had to admit, he missed the chatter, the teasing, the jokes. None of them were Emma's style, none of them he'd get from her. But he wouldn't complain, he had chosen that way. Blame would only fall upon him, for destroying this happiness now. He couldn't see much, with Charming and Snow White blocking the way, only that the prince had stripped off his coat, despite the cold around them. And long pale legs, that were visible from the gap between the married pair. “She's a bit scared and doesn't remember anything...” Emma warned, once again directed at him and he wondered, what all of this had to do with him. Until his heart stopped beating in his chest, his mouth slightly open and his eyes as wide as it was manly possible in shock. There she stood shivering, naked except for the coat that she was holding with pale hands closed in front of her body. Her hair a mess of feathers leaves and small twigs, which Snow White was trying to pick out and smooth. Her equally pale face was an expression of pure loss, confusion and fear, something he had rarely seen on her face. Listening to whispered words of Snow White and Charming, seemingly frightened. She resembled a deer a lot, a deer that stood right in the shooting range of a hunter.

If you could find a way, to forgive everything, I know you would.  
And I would take it all back, give if only I knew that I could.

And then he understood the guilt on Emma's face, the weird words of the other and why everyone was this soft and comforting to her. She didn't know any of them, didn't know him, didn't know Storybrook, the Jolly Roger or even where she had been the past years. Just her name, basic things about the forest and what things were called. She resembled a lost boy, just with the addition, that the loss was more frightening, more sever. And he wondered if that was a cruel joke played on him, or if Zelena was stepping up her game. He hadn't even noticed how he had moved forward, as if his body exactly knew what to do. While his mind, jumped from one thought to the other, not being able to focus. She shied away from him, hid behind Charming and oh the irony in that move. Charming exchanged a look with his wife, that Hook would have loved to punch out of his face, but what he did to be on the goodside of his love. He nodded and to whatever eyebrow signal, his wife had given him and told her in that soft tone, that he'd carry her to the car, because she was naked and had no shoes, to walk through a forest. The blonde simply nodded, still pale, still speechless and confused. But accepting the fact, that she wanted out of the woods, wanted to wear clothes and probably get an explanation. Snow let her husband go with her and turned to Hook. “You!” an accusing fnger in his face and he knew he was in for a lecture. He wondered how come the other thought she was in right of a lecturing people. Especially given how she hadn't been a saint either. But he pushed that comment deep down, watching as Emma paced forth and back, while Snow told him a lot and a bit more. “You left her?!” she was angry, furious maybe? “She has no memory, just knows she was at some port, when a woman with red hair talked to her. Offered her to go home. She didn't even know, why she wasn't home....” the short dark haired woman said. And people told stories about her hair? Or her lip color? She wasn't even that pale. Weird humans and their weird story telling. Hook needed to focus, he was going off track, once again. “It was a mutual agreement to... leave the ship...” he said, caught himself before he said, to sell the ship. Because why would he sell his ship? He wasn't ready for that talk, wasn't ready for any talk. Because she was alive, she was there and she was lost at the same time. And he hated himself, maybe more than anyone ever could.

Snow's lecture was stopped by green smoke and Zelena, who smirked at him with those painted red lips, what was it with villain's and red lipstick anyway? Aside from the outfit, that matched Regina's in the enchanted forest step by step. He wondered if it was all a scheme, to copy the other, or if Zelena was just that desperate for attention. “I could give her back her memories you know... After you sold the ship to get to your beautiful savior. And of course not telling her... I mean she felt so betrayed, she practically begged me to take her memories and send her home. But no one told that poor duckling, the stories of Rumpelstiltskin's students... we do things for a price... Now she's home, but without a drop of memory...” she smirked, taunted him and he could see the shocked expression of Emma and Snow's guilt struck one.

“You have till the baby is born... and then I'll have what I want anyway...” she held up the small bag that held Regina's heart, without needing to see it, he knew it was inside. So only Snow White's pregnancy stood in the way, of that crazy woman.

Just like that I'm crawling back to you, Just like you said I would yeah,  
I swallow my pride,  
Now I'm crawling back to you,

I'm out of my head,  
Can't wait any longer,  
Down on my knees, I thought I was stronger, Just like that, like you said I'd do,  
I'm crawling back to you.

She fitted into their team, behaved much like she had without her memories. Spoke her mind, helped where she could and fought like a real pirate. But she didn't acknowledge him, not like she had in her life spent on the Jolly Roger. She simply nodded at him, talked to him when the situation asked for it. And used “Hook” as the name to talk to him, when she used to say Killian or Jones. She never used both names, aside for when she was angry. But this new Her? She didn't even really care for his real name. Instead she laughed with the weird doctor, talked to Jefferson and had 'tea' with him. Met the Charmings for plans and helped Regina and the thief, for whatever was needed. While Hook got to spend more time with Emma, he longed to talk to her, longed to know what had changed. Of course aside from her memory lack, it was like she couldn't look at him. Like there was something bad associated with him and somehow he felt that it was Zelena's doing. Which of course took it's pike when Snow gave birth.The wicked witch, threw them around like little figures in a chess game, smacking her out of a window, which Regina's quick use of magic saved her from dying. While Emma's powers were taken away from her, by a kiss she had been forced to do, to bring him back to life, from nearly drowning. There was no white magic anymore, that could stop the witch. Nothing not even the new charming baby, which was in her possession now. Of course hand it to Regina to turn everything around, by finding a light inside of her, stopping her crazy sister, saving the Charming baby and breaking the hold on Rumple, the crazy-pants had had. With Zelena powerless and locked up, the spell over her was broken by Rumple, as a sign of gratitude for the good they had done to him and for giving Baelfire the proper burial he deserved. He didn't expect anything from her, not even acknowledgement, because through the days of her memory loss? He had understood, he didn't deserve it.To have her save him and Emma from the weird spell of Zelena which had still taken form, he hadn't expected. And when the portal closed, without anyone using it, him panting for air on his back and Emma on her stomach, both glad they weren't in that spiral of green smoke. The blonde simply patted her jeans and dropped the rope, that had been not only fastened at her car and at least eight trees behind the car, but also anchored to the farm house around them. She had always been the smart one between them.

I'm crawling back to you, I'm crawling back to you, I'm crawling back to you.

“Thanks...” Emma's voice was the frst thing that broke the silence, of heavy breathing and the remains of the wind from the green spiral of magic. “No biggie...” she replied and stuffed both her hands into her jeans pockets. "I'm heading back for Granny's, everyone kinda brought something to party and Granny promised me irish coffee...” Emma nodded at her and he rose to his feet. “Pa-...”, but even before he could finish her name, before he was given the opportunity of saying it, she stopped him. “Please... don't... just... don't...” and with that she silenced him and left the farmhouse, cut the rope from her car's front and back, where it had been fastened at the metal and started the engine, leaving him and Emma in the dark of the forest and farmhouse around them. He ran a hand through his hair, he had lost her for good. That was probably the life-lesson he had to learn. You couldn't have everything and not pay a price for happiness, because even if it wasn't magic, everything had a price. Life itself had one. Emma's hand touched his arm and he could see sympathy on her face, he didn't know if he could fnd it in himself to love her for it, or to hate her. He wouldn't be able to hate her anyway, but if he loved her? Why did he feel that empty? They walked to Granny's talked about unimportant things, talked about life itself and Hook's life without a ship. And whether Emma was going back to New York or not. And how Henry would react to any of her wishes. Arriving there, he could see Regina with the thief and his son, a family of sorts. Rumple and Belle, they fit each other well. The Charmings and at the breakfast bar or whatever you called it, sitting next to the mad hatter and scientist/doctor, She was drinking her irish-coffee. They were stopped at the front of the diner, when Henry came out to greet them with a blush that showed a hurry he had been in and Charming next to him. “I think you need to see something...”, he told Hook and the pirate wanted to groan, more bad news were to come? Had somebody brought back his brother, to give him the final blow of self-loathing and guilt? Instead he was lead away from the diner, with Emma by his side and two over eager men, towards the port of Storybrook. And now he understood, when he saw the massive wood, the flag that was his and the crew of his scattered on and around the ship, Mr. Smee beneath them. “Captain!” he stumbled over to him, his trademark red beanie on top of his head and his red nose. “She found us captain and said that you would probably want back your home...” he said and Hook didn't know what hurt more, that she hadn't told him or that she had gone and did that for him. Even after he had broken her, hurt her and abandoned her. “She asked Regina and Rumpel for help, it wasn't that hard to get the ship...” Charming explained and it was a little bit more of a stab, that he had known. Hook didn't cry, nor did he say a word, but simply nudged Smee's head and nodded. Turned on his heel and stormed back to Granny's. Because even if she didn't want to talk to him, he needed to say, what needed to be said. Needed to apologize and ask for forgiveness, even if he couldn't get it.

When he came through the door, with such a force, that he nearly tore off the bell above the door, everyone's eyes were on him, but he wasn't looking for them. The seat between Jefferson and the doctor, what was his name again? Was empty.  
“Sorry mate. But she left a few minutes ago... said it was time to find the home she belonged to....” Granny had this pitiful face on that made him want to punch her, old lady or not. “Hook....” but Snow White didn't go far, when he just turned around, let the door smack close behind him and watched the Charmings approach him with Swan. “She left, already?” so he had known and without knowing why, he thought it was justified to punch Charming in the face. Really hard. It didn't bring any satisfaction, but merely let the storm break lose inside of him. She was gone and he had done it all wrong. He would have to live with that, letting Emma hug him, despite the feel of wanting to be alone.


End file.
